Vanilla-Xtract

To her my writing is “dark poetry.” What it is, really, is the expression of my imagination in sounds and words. She inspires me now to write. Inspiration is the power she holds over me. Imagination today is the unfulfilled anticipation of our first kiss. She does nothing, yet pushes me verbose.

Still, and for the longest time, we aren’t able to meet face to face. Forced to reckon with technology, we communicate by our surrogate monotone unemphatic thumb-keyboard voices, in abbreviated exes and ohs, as if we trust the effort will manifest the mutual desires of our flesh. To converse, all options are available but the one we desire most: language of the body. Lips to skin. Breaths to ear. Touch to heat. The physical arousal of passion.

Frustration stemming from unforgiving logistics creates tense longing. Silence is nervous. With the toe of our cliche cold feet, we sample the temperament of the mood, fearing not the meeting, but the not meeting.

What do I write now? Above is complete. I could write the hopeful reality of future experiences, but not more than wishes and what-ifs. I once said, “this one I will not allow to vanish.” My success is tenuous. Wavering doubt permeates and infiltrates anticipatory emotions tied to the efforts exerted within circumstances. Again, silence is nervous. Once already canceled, other looming conflicts of intentions surface. Unfair. Please, please allow fruition.

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/// © Master Zoomer
/// “Language Intangible”
/// March, 2011
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Here is her unedited email to Me from July 7, 2009:

Caring, love, tenderness, warmth, compassion – all words that perhaps those in the vanilla world wouldn’t necessarily attribute to a BDSM lifestyle. They think it’s all about whips, ropes, hard fucking and so on. Well, yes, just because a slave and Master thrive on some of that and perhaps more does not mean that such a relationship is devoid of the capacity to empathise and care. This girl’s experience is that the relationship with her Master is a complex one but at the very heart of it is pure love.

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I could never attempt to describe how she feels about me as her Master. But as her Master I can demand that she tells me how she feels and I can insist that she do it in writing. The collar I ordered was just days away from reaching her, and I assigned her to write to me about her submission. There are many things that I know about her that she doesn’t realize for herself, and this writing assignment was to bring it all to the front of her mind, to create something that would record how she was feeling at the time.

I knew that this was what she needed to fully know how she felt inside. She needed to hear herself speak about it in her own words. She had already emotionally submitted to me in so many ways, and I knew it. The physical distance between us I refused to allow to hinder her growth or my own. The writing assignment I knew was a milestone and it was one that we could both treasure reading in the future. But it’s primary purpose was to get her to reveal to me, and in turn, herself, the feelings that she had about her position as my slave, and having me as her Master.

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On simple paths two complex souls take
Being far and close despite distance connect
As a piece of myself my girl loves me
Closest thing to my heart where together we are

Phantom bindings vivid dreams
Heart pumps blood charged hot
Beyond fingertips reach
Physical between touch and not

As if cut from the same fabric or two sides of a coin
Like finding a piece belonging I find myself complete
My girl changed everything from what my life was like
Knowing me before I myself, Loving before I knew how

Submission without reservation, Love without condition
Healing soothing solace
Happy safe
Together in mind and spirit soar
Giving until it hurts and then gives more
Stronger uplifted my precious puts me
My precious love I cherish I adore

31 December 2008

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/// (c) Master Zoomer 2010
/// “Solace”
/// December 31, 2008
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