against safe words
The following is written by My precious slave, July 8, 2009:
Safe words have a place in the BDSM community. They are there to protect primarily the submissive/slave and also the Master. Ensuring that safety comes first. However, this girl and her Master have strong views about safe words in T/their relationship. Quite simply, T/they don’t have a requirement or need to use them.
This may seem foolish or unnecessary. After all, it’s just a word, a fail safe. What harm can there be in having a safe word? Well, in a Master/slave relationship, where the very foundation is built upon trust and control, the use of a safe word surely just erodes any element of trust that has ever been built up. In a Dom/sub relationship, where some sort of rules of engagement or codes of conduct and contract may exist, a safe word seems to be acceptable. However, when a girl has become a slave and totally submitted herself to her Master, become collared, then surely she is giving over all of her control and trust to Him. Because retaining a safe-word is retaining some element of control on the part of the slave, it gives her ‘an out’. When, or if things become too hard or tough she can just shout out the word and everything stops. Then there is the other side to this, that the Dom/Master comes to rely on hearing the safe word as a way of reducing His responsibility and threshold, He can just let go because at the back of His mind He will have the thought that, “well, she can tolerate this because she always can use the safe word” – whereas, in fact, the Master should always be in control and totally aware of his girl’s body’s limits and capabilities.
Therefore, this girl and Master have made a very conscious decision that no safe word will be used or required. She trusts Him totally. He knows her like no other. She feels safe, yet she knows He will push her as far as He can. He will inflict pain. He will humiliate her, demean her, make her feel like an object, and use her, but throughout it all He will always be aware of her thresholds, and of the need to “bring her back” safely and carefully. She has no worry or doubt about this.
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/// (c) Master Zoomer 2010
/// “against safe words”
/// May 5, 2010
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I am curious. If you are pushing, can you ask you to slow down? Sometimes issues come up that have little to do with physical harm but mental harm can be possible.
So not a safe word, but comfortable enough to feel free to say something.
macha, thank you. That is a good question.
I’m wondering, though, what you mean by possible mental harm, but little to do with physical harm? Maybe this will answer:
As her Master, I am acutely in tune with her. If I choose to push, and she feels uncomfortable, then it’s my choice to persist, or to stop. After all, her discomfort may be exactly the response I’m after. I am aware when she is uncomfortable because I read her so well, and she doesn’t need to verbalize it.
I believe if she trusts you enough physically to not want a safe word, that is a decision made by to adults who appear to love each other and care about each other.
Mental harm can be worse and more tricky. The things that concern me are things that maybe she thinks are dealt with. Past issues that rise up during play sometimes that take time to process. If she has no way of slowing it down or stopping it, that it could cause mental harm.
I understand pushing limits. I also understand that sometimes I as a sub need to stop and take a deep breath and not proceed or at least discuss it.
I on the other hand think that it is your decision made together that in the end counts.
I am sorry for taking so long to respond. it has been a couple of weeks of chaos around here.